I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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