I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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