Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
