I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
