I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
