went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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