I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
