i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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