I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
