Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
