apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
