Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
