i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Are we still banned from the library?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
