Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
