My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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