I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My feet surprised me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
