I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
