When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
