Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
