Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wear drunk well.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
