You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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