Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
