My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They took my balls.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
