did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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