She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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