I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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