I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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