saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
