So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
