So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
