Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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