just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
