now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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