my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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