i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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