This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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