sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am one with the molecules
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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