Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
