im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
