drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
