I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
