i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
