i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
