one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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