Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
