Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
