so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
