my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
