my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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