Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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