whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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