Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
