being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
