sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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