i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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