6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
