how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
