Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
