just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
