Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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