My nipple is on Facebook.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
3pm strippers are depressing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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