my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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