Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
